#10 - Climbing vs. Serving

What is the message that you receive from "society" regarding success?  If you're like me, success has been measured by how high (and quickly) you climb the ladder.

I think I may have figured out a better way to measure success though: have the heart of a servant.  Normally, I don't beat you over the head with my faith, but I think that there are some wonderful lessons to be learned from the teachings of Jesus, particularly his approach to serving others.

Let me back up a bit.

When I was in high school, I put in just enough effort to do well with my grades.  Aside from my wonderfully challenging AP English class (thanks, Mrs. F.!), I didn't really dig into any content area in detail. 

So, I got all A's, was the top of my class, but I didn't really transfer any of the information I "learned" to my life.  High school was just a hoop to jump through to get to the next level.

Honestly (sadly), I feel the same way about my undergraduate degree.  I learned some valuable life lessons (living in a fraternity house helps with that), but I viewed my classes as a hindrance to getting on to "real life."  Plus, what did I need to know about Ed Psych?  I was going to be a band director!

Idiot.

This overall attitude of viewing my current station as a temporary condition followed me into my career as well.  When I was subbing, I wanted a full time position.  When I got a full(ish) time job (thanks, MC) I wanted to get a better job.  When I got a better (paying) job, in fact, my DREAM JOB, I lasted for only four years before bailing on teaching music in general.

After leaving the classroom, I worked for a great company.  I started moving up at the company, but eventually, I began to look for something "better."  This led me to my current employer.

When I first started here, it was pretty unclear what my responsibilities would be.  I made some effort to establish my role, but not really.  Instead, a year in, I started looking elsewhere.  Not seriously looking, but the key here is that my mind was not on what I could do to make my job awesome.  I was looking for the next big thing.  The next rung on the ladder.

I'm not sure exactly when my attitude changed, but it did.  I sought out ways to help the overall organization, as well as the School to which I am assigned.  I work hard to make a contribution to the university.  This was accomplished through committee work, publication, and presentations at conferences.  I represent my institution and strive to further our reputation.

I became a servant to my colleagues, and it has paid great dividends.  I don't say, "that's not my job" even when it isn't.  Instead, I help find a solution.

My attitude has changed from seeking out the next big thing (i.e., a "better" job) to being a better person in the job that I have.

So, what rewards, you may ask?  I have been promoted from the Coordinator for Online Curriculum Development to the Director of Instructional Technology.  While that may seem like promotion in title only, I did take on many new responsibilities (faculty training, primarily).

Now, instead of seeking out a better (higher on the ladder job), I'm letting that take care of itself.  In fact, as a result of my efforts as the Director of Instructional Technology, after one year, I've been asked to take on two new positions this next academic year: Chair of the Graduate Education Department and Assistant Vice President of Online Education.  Both of these roles are heavy, but I think I'm up to the challenges ahead.  I now have a seat at the table where the significant academic decisions are made, and I feel absolutely honored that I am allowed to make such a contribution.

Please understand that I'm not bragging here, I just feel compelled to share how my life has changed for the better upon changing my attitude.

Instead of thinking, "I should get a great job at a great big university (ladder climbing)," I now say a prayer of thanks that I'm able to help others develop strong teaching practices.  Anyone who has taught will understand when I say that not every moment of my day is filled with sheer joy.  I do face challenges to my patience, regularly.

However, from some of my biggest challenges also come some of the biggest rewards.  When I see a faculty member struggle but then get it, I feel like I've made a contribution to society (remind me to expand on contributing in a future post).

Boiled down, what am I really trying to say?

Work hard and serve others with a joyful heart, and let the rest take care of itself.

Advice to Young Men, #1

At the risk of being misunderstood (this blog post is not to brag, but to hopefully inform others), I would like to share some advice for the young men out there who are thinking about becoming a responsible man in an adult relationship.


Honestly?  I'm writing this series of posts to the twenty year-old me.  Pay attention, young D.

Recently, I had the pleasure of grocery shopping with my wife.

I'll repeat that, in case you stumbled over the wording the first time.  Recently, I had the pleasure of grocery shopping with my wife.

No, there is nothing wrong with me (well, nothing that relates to grocery shopping, at least).

I actually enjoy this activity.

Would I go so far as to say that I look forward to grocery shopping?  Don't be silly, no one loves grocery shopping, do they?

However, the key phrase to consider here is "with my wife."

You see, I actually put effort into my relationship with my spouse.  I'm a firm believer that all relationships require effort in order to flourish.  But that doesn't mean that the work isn't enjoyable, because it is.

Do I love going to the grocery store?  I do not love going to the grocery store.

But I do love my wife, and when WE go to the grocery store together, SHE hates the grocery shopping experience far less.

A very wise friend of mine supplied me with the following equation:

Happy wife = happy life

So, how do you make grocery shopping fun?

Talk.  You are captive for a half hour, roaming up and down the aisles.  Engage in meaningful conversation with your better half.  Better yet, shut your mouth and let her do all the talking - you would be surprised at what invaluable information will come out of the discussion!

Make her laugh.  If you have a sense of humor, use it!  I try to make every unpleasant situation (aside from firing people) more bearable with a laugh.  (Just ask the nurse who was giving me pain meds for my colonoscopy.)  It should go without saying (again, I'm writing to my twenty year old self here) that you shouldn't be a complete idiot in the store.

Don't sulk.  You may think you're following my advice by simply accompanying your spouse to the grocery store, but if you do go, and you're a grumpy butt, you'll end up making the situation worse.  Trust me, you do NOT want to go there (not that I have experience with that - ok, yes I do).

Will going grocery shopping (or, insert undesirable chore here) guarantee that your life will be filled with wedded bliss?

No, no it will not.

However, I can guarantee you that YOU will feel better about the effort you make to keep your relationship healthy.  When your partner knows that you are making a meaningful contribution, you are headed in a good direction together.