#3 - choice

Do you believe in free will?  The ability to make your own choices and set your own path?

I do.  I believe that we are each in control of our own destiny.

Think about this: everyday, we are faced with countless choices, many of which we make without even thinking about them (what's for breakfast, the route to work, etc.).  We're also faced with many choices that do rise to the level of actual decision-making (what to wear, what to do about that project at work that is behind schedule, how to interact with other people).

Wait a minute.

What was that last one again?

We make a conscious choice about how to interact with other people?

Actually, I fear that most of us do not make a conscious choice on this topic.  Instead, we rely solely on our upbringing (i.e., how did my parents/siblings treat other people) and cues from the mob surrounding us.  In many ways, we revert to some ancestral (and I mean seriously old, think: animal) mode of interaction when we encounter someone outside of our immediate family or known circle.

In other words, we often respond to new interactions with fear, or fight, or even just a general wariness.  I don't care who you are, how world-travelled you may be, I'm sure you've encountered a situation where you were out of your comfort zone in relation to the people surrounding you.

But how did you react?

Enough pop psych, let's get to the point here.  While I may start by discussing how schoolchildren interact, don't think you adults are off the hook here.

Think back to when you were in elementary school (farther back for some of us than others, I'm sure).  In my mind preschool and early elementary are the prime times for developing social interaction skills.  Will you play with me at recess?  Can I have some of your Legos?

We try to find ways to connect with others, to find our ways into groups that share similarities in some way.  This leads naturally to late elementary/middle school, where the goal is to NOT STICK OUT.  You know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you?  The different among us are mocked mercilessly in middle school.  Too tall, too fat, "ugly" in some way, bad clothes, bad hair, bad smell, not enough money, bad at sports, you get the point.

I'm ashamed and embarrassed to admit that, in my effort to fly below the radar, I've participated in the mocking or refused to stop others, even when I knew it was wrong.  Easy to see (and say) from this side of the experience, I know, but still - I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway.

High school and college continue the training for us as individuals interacting with others in society, where we solidify cliques, attempt (sometimes repeatedly) to reinvent ourselves to escape the past, and begin to understand who we are as individuals that happen to exist within a larger context of human beings.

The question is, who is teaching us?  Who teaches us how to interact with others appropriately?  Our parents, when we are small?  Teachers?  Religious leaders?

All the above, but sadly, we don't appear to have learned the lesson well.

Instead, as adults, we still mock those who are different than us (or our group).  We fear or hate someone because of the color of their skin, because they have different religious beliefs than we do, because their sexuality is different than ours, because some partisan shouting head tells us to, because they are unknown to us.

Again, I submit that these are primal issues for us, holdovers from cave-dwelling days.

We're better than that.

We have the ability to consciously choose how to treat our fellow man on this planet, right?  And we CHOOSE to treat others horribly, KNOWING EXACTLY how it would feel if we were the recipient?  Even though I've done it myself, I simply can't understand how a supposedly superior cognitive species is capable of such low behavior.

If you are a student, be yourself and revel in it.  Find your interests and OWN them! Who cares if you are a band geek, a jock, a preppie?  Who cares if you don't have any money?  You are the only you there is, so own it.

So, when you see someone who doesn't understand the concept of respecting others (i.e., mocking, bullying, whatever), stand up and help educate.

Will you lose friends?  Nope.  I can guarantee that you will never lose a real friend by doing the right thing.  You may lose some finos (friend in name only), which is actually a good thing.  It may not seem like it at the time (especially if you are trying to break into the "popular" crowd) but trust me, you don't want friends that are mean to others - eventually they'll turn on you (any teen movie will teach you that lesson).

Now, even though I just gave some advice to "students" it is really geared towards us all.  We are all students in some way - even if only as students of life.

Animals seek self-preservation above all else.

As humans, we can consciously make the choice to make our society better through the choices we make in our interactions with one another.